Yet Again.

Tangina, I'm pregnant.

Joke.

I wish this is that simple.

Remember how I announced to almost everyone that I find a certain someone really special? Remember how I gave him space in this blogsite, every now and then? Well... we're done.

Okay, I don't know how to put this. There was no "us", but I'm pretty sure there was something going on. Apparently, whatever it was, it ended last night. He ended it. Yes, HE did.

He told me he wanted to be honest, and I got that. I had the impression that he wanted the best of both worlds. For a time, I thought I was betrayed although there was no commitment or vow between us at all. I felt like I was playing the role of a meantime girl, or of a cute little distraction he was fond to come to every now and then. How awesome was the other one, anyway? Apparently, she was more than awesome. In fact, they were not together anymore but he still couldn't let her go... even if I was there already. Okay, my ego had just died.

I thought I was clear in communicating to any guy who came along that I wanted things in black and white. The gray area had been such a bitch.

Frankly speaking, I was more than hurt, but I still don't want to judge him. I remember I told him that I want us to be cool despite everything that might happen. And besides, who am I to conclude or assume about a thing when I haven't gotten any answers yet? I don't think I got the explanation I wanted (perhaps he felt like he didn't have to)for up to now I am still clueless. End of it all, he's nowhere now. And I'm left here with nothing but the hope that I'll get through this too.

God, what do you want me to feel. I can't believe I was crying last night because of this. It feels good to cry everything out but after all the drama, I still feel that huge throb on my chest. Fail.

Let me linger to this not-another-misadventure for some time, but wait for the entry I'll write about how I got through this. It doesn't feel good to get screwed up but at least I know I am strong enough to handle the crap. Bring it on, man.