I know I have more important things to do today but I cant help but blog about this. Give me 5 minutes.
Facebook is perhaps the best social networking site since Friendster. Its unique selling propositions, which really makes me love it, is its being interactive with users and...it is stalker-friendly <3. I use Facebook for two reasons, one is to express my thoughts and moods in a not-so-annoying way (because I know I can be overly dramatic), and two, is to connect with friends and acquaintances.
This morning, though, I got pissed with a certain friend who sent me a message through FB chat (she does this every single morning) just to ask for a fuckin reindeer in Farmville. "Huy, give mo naman ako reindeer sa farmville. salamat." WTF! I told her on Monday, and last week, and the week before that, that I don't play Farmville, but she keeps on bugging me to log in and give her crops, animals, and whatnot. Seriously, dude, can't you understand a simple statement like "I don't play Farmville."?
It's the same concept to those who invite people to be a fan of something or someone. I used to do this (work-related), but now I know that it's not supposed to be the case. Maybe you can invite once but that's it. If I decline, I EFFIN DECLINE. Don't force people to like your brand or you will never get to convert them as buyers.
And with that I share with you my current Facebook status message:
most of my friends here in FB are either farmers or mafia gangsters. i am neither. so don't bug me every single morning just to ask for crops, gifts, guns, what have yous. thank you very much.
I was busy with work and some other stuff for the past two days. I got 5 minutes this morning to update this blog site and thoughts in my mind are already starting to overflow that if I decided to write them down at this moment, this would be nothing but a poor medium of words that are just needed to be blurted out. So while I am prioritizing the things that I want to write down, let me share with you a write-up about a topic I am always ready to talk about -- relationships.
I came across this article this morning (which I thought I needed as of the moment)and had fun reading it. This morning was one of those moments when I felt that it's good to realize that I am getting old. Click here and read the article while I prepare my own share of kwento. ;)
My employer and I talked earlier about my appraisal. Well, the discussion wasn’t anything good. Because my former boss fucked up for his almost 6 month stay in the company, no one, as of the moment, can evaluate me for regularization. To cut the long story short, the VP decided to “extend” my on probe contract so she could evaluate and appraise me herself. At first, I thought “Ok.”, but as I thought things over, ugh, I should have said no.
So as I drove home, I thought it was unfair for my employer to give me that kind of deal. Okay, I know that the department where I am at is doomed as of the moment but I know I am putting my best efforts to actually cope up with the mess that my former boss brought, and to push my limits in doing everything I can just so I can make the brand sell. Making me work as a proby for another six months is a little too much for me. Bad vibes. Random thoughts filled my head; I got pissed of the usual looong traffic jam at Fairview, barbaric, motherfucker bus drivers who didn’t care if they hit a car or two… woah, today is just not my day.
But then God knows how to tame me. As I wait for the stoplight near Regalado area to signal “go”, I saw a very young couple walking along the street, carrying their not-so-healthy-looking baby with bunches of bags and plastic bags, where (I suppose) their things are stuck. They looked so tired and hungry; both of them were very thin. It was as if they were in search for a home where they can rest and feel safe.
A few meters away from that area, I saw a kid sitting at the island of the road, munching on some chips. I thought it was his dinner for tonight. He was very dirty, his clothes were all rugged, and he wasn’t wearing any slippers at all.
I know I see these scenarios everyday but tonight was so much different. I felt guilty for almost cursing my life because I didn’t get the things I wanted, from a simple traffic jam to my career, when there are people, a lot of them, who are more problematic and wounded than I am. For a time I thought I was neglecting the blessings that I have in my hands.
Kanya-kanyang problema, kanya-kanyang dinadala. Hinga lang. There are a lot of things that we should be grateful for. Ranting is inevitable, but don’t forget that we will never ever be left with nothing. We just have to open our eyes so we can see what we actually have. :)
My number one rule in any of my relationships: if ever there was a falling out that would happen in the middle of everything, I want myself and the other person to remain friends after.
Why? Well, I believe that when you open yourself up to someone, trust and acceptance come in. In the process of building and living a life with this person, you allow yourself to be discovered by the other and vice versa. Eventually, you realize that you do not just accept the person for who he/she is, but you get to actually enjoy his/her whole being. You learn a lot from him/her, you see angles of life you never thought exist, you see some things on a different perspective, and little by little, the person becomes a part of you.
The sad part comes in, however. Things fall apart in a heartbeat. And regardless if whose fault it was, it sucks to realize that after everything, you tend to treat each other as if you were another stranger. What a waste.
I don’t want that to happen to me in either of my platonic or romantic relationships. Shit happens as usual as the good ones, so why let the shit ones make you hate the other, as well as force you to forget the good times you shared with him/her?
But then again, I know I am being so idealistic. People don’t always part ways in good terms. I mean, yeah, shit happens to everybody but not all shits are at the same degree. And of course, not all people can be as understanding and as forgiving as the ideal person who we have in our minds.
I just came out of a not so normal relationship. I swear, whoever it is who invented the “it’s complicated status”, you are so giving more and more people a hard time. I am out of this person’s life and so am I in his. We’ve known each other for the past nine years or so but as of the moment; I am nothing but a random stranger to him and vice versa. To tell you honestly, it’s not a very good feeling. Waking up everyday with a thought of, “I wasn’t a good memory to him.” is like a slap on my ego.
Maybe, in time, we’ll be friends again. By then, we will be both comfortable to see each other’s faces, talk about what’s up with us lately. I don’t know but maybe I am hopeful. Despite all the hurt and disappointments, my number one rule is still my number one rule. It’s hard to live like a living contradiction of the things I believe in, but I’ll cope up. Someday I will, in God’s time. :)
Extremely melancholic. External locus of control. Nostalgic for disaster. A sucker for hopeless romanticism.
These phrases above are, maybe, the ones that describe me as a woman (thanks to a certain someone who stick these labels on my forehead). It’s not so good to realize that some people believe I am such an emotional “creature”. It sucks, to tell you honestly, when I become conscious of the fact that some aren’t willing to stick around when I am being me.
I may not have as many experiences as you or others may do, but for the past twenty years of my existence, I have come to realize that there are only three things that a person should do to be happy. One is to be contented with what you have; two, is to love truthfully; and three, is to always stay true to yourself. The first two things aren’t really problems to me. As the eldest daughter of an OFW, I grew up valuing every cent that I have, as well as appreciating what my parents can put on the table. As for the second one, well, I was labelled as a sucker for hopeless romanticism, if you remember. I must say that to love truthfully is probably my best talent. As they say, love is a talent; you are either born knowing it, or you do not know it at all. And then lastly, okay, I don’t have issues with it, but things become more complicated, or rather hurtful, when people start to have issues with me because of it.
People label people; and sometimes I get really pissed when they do. I don’t think it is fair for some to be called “emo” when they are just being expressive of their feelings. Like what I always tell my friends, the true ones, we all experience emotional roller coasters. We all know how it is to be in bliss, to be loved, to be rejected, to be hurt, among others, but we all have different treatments on them. Some people get completely immersed by it; it’s the only thing that you always hear from their mouths. Some just go steady, ready for anything that might happen next. Some over intellectualize the entire situation; they come up with random thoughts and realizations (and some theoretical stuff perhaps), and express them through the various types of human communication.
I am the over-intellectualizing-type, and I realized just recently that it became my instant people and/or guy repellent. There are times when I question myself for being me, but at the end of the day, I know that a person’s perception about me doesn’t justify my existence at all. It’s true that we can’t please everybody and that fact would hurt us every now and then. Instead of allowing ourselves to dwell too much on that, we should just be thankful that there are still some who are willing to stick around. While there are people who push us away, there are more who accept and love us not for what we have but for simply who we are. As the saying goes, let go of what kills you and hold on to what keeps you breathing.
I have never felt so ugly in my life until somebody told me he was completely turned off with my being extremely melancholic, external locus of control, nostalgic for disaster, and a sucker for hopeless romanticism. Still, I know that these four phrases aren’t the only ones that make me up. Perhaps they are considered as flaws and I can’t convince anyone to love them. It’s human nature to love only what is beautiful after all. Whatever happened to the acceptance and love I showed him, I am sure of the next step to do: build a bridge and get the fuck over it.
I am not sure if I should make this as the pilot entry of this blog site but I know everyone goes through this phase. I like to make this entry as a jump start for me (or for us, if you share the same sentiment) to finally rebuild my heart, not with its broken pieces but with new ones. After everything that happened, at least I survived to tell the story. :)
